I still remember my client Sarah bouncing into my office claiming she had an epiphany. I said, “Great, what is it?” 

She said, “I’ve figured out that relationships aren’t natural.”

I smiled and replied, “Where did you get the idea they were?”

She is not alone in that thinking. 

To an extent, relationships are natural. But so is breathing and seeing. But things can get in the way of those being normal. A cold. Asthma. Near-sightedness. Glaucoma. 

Sometimes you’re aware of the problem and can wait it out, like a cold. Other times it might creep up on you slowly or you don’t realize what’s normal and so you aren’t aware of how bad it is. Like being born near-sighted. Because it’s the way you’ve always seen the world, you don’t know how fuzzy and out of focus things are.

Relationships can be like that too. You do what you know without realizing the consequences. And, because you don’t know anything different, you don’t know there can be anything better.

But every romantic relationship you’ve had before your marriage has ended. If you keep doing the same things you did in those relationships, how will you keep this one from the same fate?