This is a concern of most couples thinking about getting married, even if they don’t want to admit it. It’s also on the minds of couples who have already made the commitment. Despite the statistics, the answer is, “YES”.
The key is understanding why marriages end in the first place.
The top three reasons people give for getting divorced: lack of commitment, too much arguing or conflict, and infidelity. All are simply variations on a theme—the tension between remaining separate and being together.
What is perceived as a lack of commitment, and what can eventually lead to infidelity, is the internalization of the third reason, too much conflict. Both are unproductive ways of avoiding that conflict. Instead of engaging directly about differences, they are passively sidestepped. This evasive behavior may also be the result of past ineffective or unpleasant arguing.
My advice for newlyweds, or even not so newlyweds, is to reconsider this way of thinking and engaging. It isn’t an either/or—stay completely your own person or be subsumed by the marriage blob; it’s both/and—hold onto your identity as you become part of a team. The good news is that you can learn how to do this.
The first step is to tackle how you each communicate.
The back and forth, tug of war style that is at the root of arguments needs to end. Good communication by itself isn’t enough to ensure a happy, successful marriage. But without it, it’s impossible.
You and your partner will always have disagreements. But conflicts and arguments are not inevitable. Learning how to productively handle your differences is the path to divorce-proofing your marriage.
To take the first step in this journey, I have created a special gift just for you. Get your copy of my new e-book It’s Not About the Dishes or the Dirty Socks today.
Are you looking for better communication and greater intimacy? Check out The Last Communication Tool Your Relationship Will Ever Need.
Lesli Doares is a therapist, couples coach, and the founder of a practical alternative for couples worldwide looking to improve their marriage without traditional therapy. Call Lesli at 1-919-924-0463 to schedule a free 1-hour consultation. If you want to learn more about how to stop settling for a “not bad” relationship, read 3 Secrets to a Kick-Ass Marriage today.