““When you make loving others the story of your life, there’s never a final chapter, because the legacy continues.” — Oprah Winfrey
Do you think Valentine’s Day is a set up for disappointment and frustration?
For a lot of people, especially men, Valentine’s Day is a test that, no matter how hard they try, they are guaranteed to fail.
I, myself, have mixed feelings about this somewhat manufactured holiday. Anything that gets you focused on the people you love is a good thing. The fact that it’s only one day a year—not so much.
Everyone deserves to feel loved every day. In ways both big and small. The less often this happens, the more importance and pressure is placed on one day in the middle of February.
If your spouse knows you love them every day, because you make sure to tell them, Valentine’s Day becomes a day for just a little bit more attention and effort. Instead of it being a make or break, sword over your head yearly event.
But Valentine’s Day can be an opportunity for a victory, if you know what to do.
This is where the Love Languages can be invaluable. Using them as a guide can save your Valentine’s Day.
When you know your wife’s preferred language, you can make days like Valentine’s Day much more meaningful.
So instead of the usual flowers, candy, and a crowded dinner out, do something unexpected and significant.
I invite you to follow this guideline:
Do the Holidays Bring Out the Best or Worst in Your Spouse?
Are you one of the 46 million people who Googled “my wife ruins every holiday”? Is your wife one of the 16 million who Googled “my husband ruins every holiday”? Just take a moment and let those numbers sink in. As you find yourself in the middle of “the...
Someone Needs to Step Up in Your Marriage—Is it You?
Every marriage needs a hero. The person willing to step up and do the right thing even if it’s difficult. Especially if it’s difficult. This is critically important if you and your wife are caught in unproductive or hurtful patterns. And way too many couples are. The...
Is Your Wife Suffering From Marital Doubt?
People usually keep doubts about their marriages to themselves—at least for a while and often from their partners. I’m not talking about ordinary concerns about your relationship or dealing with a difficult, but manageable issue, but about a real concern that the...
Words of Affirmation:
Compliments and kind words are the winners here. Writing a heartfelt love letter is so much more impactful than a store-bought card. Being specific about the characteristics you love and admire is the key. Be sure to mention more than her looks. Tell her what she has brought to your life and why you feel so fortunate she joined her life with yours.
Acts of Service:
This Language is about taking action. Taking something off her plate is a real gift. And not just for the day, but maybe once a week for a month. Or once a month for a year. Extra points if it is something you don’t really like to do either.
Quality Time:
This is about more than sitting together watching television or going to your usual restaurant. It’s about one-on-one, uninterrupted, fully present time together. Doing something she loves, again, is a plus. Taking a cooking class, going to a concert of a group she loves, setting up a candlelit dinner at home.
Physical Touch.
This is about affection, not sex. Giving her a foot rub, a full body massage, even a mani-pedi are winners. Having no expectation of further intimacy is what will make her feel it is a gift not foreplay.
Physical Gift.
If this is her love language, you want the gift to be something that she values. If she has a hobby, consider something related to that. Something she wouldn’t buy for herself. This is where your powers of observation come in. What colors does she like? Style of clothes? Perfume she uses? Getting her something she wouldn’t expect will be noticed and appreciated.
You’ve got this. And if you don’t, I can help.
Around the Web This Week
Stop Accepting the “Status Quo” in Your Marriage
Do you believe that marriage takes work? Do you believe that marriage is the place sex goes to die? Do you believe that you need to compromise and sacrifice who you are for your marriage to work? Do you believe that this is the best you’re going to get so just accept it? STOP. NOW. These statements are only true if you choose to continue believing them. You don’t have to settle for a “less than” marriage. Stuart Motola, relationship coach and the author of Fixing You is Killing Me: A Conscious Roadmap to Knowing When to Save and When to Leave Your Relationship, reveals how you can have the relationship you desire and deserve.
