What do you think of when you hear the word “sacrifice”? Does it sound easy or difficult? And should it be a required part of marriage? Not in my book. Because marriage is not a deity or supernatural blob that needs to be appeased.

Sacrifice is defined by Merriam -Webster as the “destruction or surrender of something for the sake of something else” and “something given up or lost.” And often what is expected to be “sacrificed” in marriage is your identity. 

If you’re like me, reading that last sentence provokes an unpleasant visceral response. And that’s precisely the problem.

You will either “sacrifice” yourself—your wants, needs, desires, quirks, etc.—by trying to be who your wife wants you to be, or you will resist any reasonable request for a change of behavior as the first step on the slippery slope to annihilation.

Neither option is desirable nor effective. They are both unsustainable.

Your marriage needs to include you. It cannot last if it doesn’t.

The idea that marriage requires sacrifice suffers from the same problems as the idea that it requires compromise. 

If you start giving away pieces of yourself, you will eventually hit a point where you can’t give anymore, or you will cease to exist as an independent entity. And when you do, you will rebel. Your survival mechanism will require it and damn the consequences. Including the existence of your marriage.