“Sex is always about emotions. Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions.” ~ Deepak Chopra
I remember back in the late 80s listening to a Tim Allen stand up routine where he said men have three simple needs: the need for sex, the need for toys, and the need to be left alone.
But since men are people, I wonder if that’s really true.
In my Roommate to Romeo Workshop, one of the participants shared that he always feels like he’s doing something wrong because his wife has a list of criticisms and complaints. He acknowledged that she does some things that annoy him but not enough to bring up and address.
He’s not the only man I’ve heard this from.
And it makes me question if they really are satisfied with less or if that’s just what they have come to expect.
Is it that they don’t want more or that, even if they do, they won’t get it?
I wonder if that’s why there is such a focus on physical intimacy for a lot of men.
But putting all their eggs in this basket is a slippery slope for them and their relationships.
It has been well established that the quality of your life is a function of the quality of your relationships. And I have to think that shrinking all of your feelings, needs, and desires into one outlet—sex—is limiting.
It also puts a lot of pressure on that one aspect of your relationship.
Do You and Your Wife Like Each Other?
“Love is friendship that has caught fire." Ann Landers Is being in love with your wife more important than loving her? Do you need one or both for your marriage to thrive? Or is it something else necessary for this to happen? I’ve been thinking about this since I went...
Being a Good Dad Won’t Save You From Divorce
“One of the greatest things a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” –Howard W. Hunter My client Mark called me in a panic last week. His wife of fifteen years just filed for divorce. Like many men, he was completely blindsided. (This should never...
Do You Lie to Your Wife?
“And the truth shall set you free. “John 8:32 There are two kinds of lies. Lies of commission are when you look your wife in the eye and tell her something you know is not true. And lies of omission are when you choose not to tell her something she deserves to know....
Many of my clients are blindsided by their wives asking for a divorce. They’ve been having sex. Maybe not consistent sex. Or great sex. But enough for them to think everything is fine. Until it’s not.
Or they are focused on increasing the amount of sex or the variety of it, thinking that if that gets fixed, everything else is fine.
What’s really necessary for the marriage to be good is honest, open communication. Meaning both of you have to be honest about what you want and need from each other and the relationship.
This is much harder than simply focusing on your physical relationship. But ultimately, it’s worth it.
It’s vital for neither partner to settle for a less than relationship. But tapping into areas you’re not familiar with can be challenging.
But it’s important to try. Your well-being, that of your marriage and of your wife require it.
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. If you want more from your marriage, let’s talk.
Around the Web This Week
Did You Know that Women Initiate Most Divorces?
Per a 2015 study, women initiate two-thirds of divorces. College-educated women initiate about 90% of them. These are statistics that should alarm anyone who is married. It may be that women are unhappier in their marriages then men are. If this is true, is divorce the answer? Could something else be going on? Women’s Empowerment Coach Julie Danielson reveals what she has learned from the women she helps navigate divorce.
