“You’re frustrated because you keep waiting for the blooming of flowers of which you have yet to sow the seeds.” Steve Maraboli
True intimacy (and even good sex) is not spontaneous.
It makes me think of farmers. They don’t just go out and harvest their crops. They spend a tremendous amount of time making sure everything is just right to ensure a good yield.
Think about it.
They prepare the soil. They choose the best seeds. They watch the weather. They irrigate. They weed.
They worry and they watch.
Instant results are neither expected nor desired.
How does your approach to intimacy stack up?
Many years ago, I read a statement that foreplay begins when the orgasm ends. But what does that mean?
If you’re only focused on the orgasm, you’re probably disappointed with your sex life. It probably doesn’t meet your expectations—either in quantity or quality.
Because, unlike a farmer, you aren’t creating the environment for success.
Real intimacy requires time and attention. Just like producing a bumper crop does.
Do You and Your Wife Like Each Other?
“Love is friendship that has caught fire." Ann Landers Is being in love with your wife more important than loving her? Do you need one or both for your marriage to thrive? Or is it something else necessary for this to happen? I’ve been thinking about this since I went...
Being a Good Dad Won’t Save You From Divorce
“One of the greatest things a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” –Howard W. Hunter My client Mark called me in a panic last week. His wife of fifteen years just filed for divorce. Like many men, he was completely blindsided. (This should never...
Do You Lie to Your Wife?
“And the truth shall set you free. “John 8:32 There are two kinds of lies. Lies of commission are when you look your wife in the eye and tell her something you know is not true. And lies of omission are when you choose not to tell her something she deserves to know....
This can be confusing because in the early days of a relationship sex is often easy and frequent.
But, over time, as the newness dies down, more attention and intention are necessary to have the kind of intimacy most couples want.
True intimacy is a function of the health of your relationship. If you are disconnected out of the bedroom, you will be disconnected in it.
And it takes clear and specific actions to create the proper relational foundation for intimacy.
This foundation includes emotional safety and emotional connection. If you have those two things, physical intimacy almost feels effortless. Without them, it’s often a struggle.
It also requires dedicated time. If all of your energy is focused away from your relationship, is it any wonder that your sex life is disappointing?
If you only spend time connecting with your wife immediately before inviting her into the bedroom, you’re selling real intimacy short. And your marriage will suffer in the long run.
However, if you’re investing in your marriage on a daily basis, your return will reflect that as well.
You’ve got this. And if you don’t, I’ve got you. Reach out and let me know how you’re investing in your marriage. I really would like to know.
Around the Web This Week
What You Need to Know to Have an Intimately Healthy Marriage
People need touch—a hug, a snuggle, and, yes, sex—to be healthy. What should seem straight forward is often quite complicated. Stress, hormone levels, time and more, all play a role in how healthy and intimate your marriage is. Women’s Intimate Health Expert Dr. Carolyn DeLucia reveals what every couple needs to know to create deep intimacy and lasting connection.
