“You’re frustrated because you keep waiting for the blooming of flowers of which you have yet to sow the seeds.” Steve Maraboli
True intimacy (and even good sex) is not spontaneous.
It makes me think of farmers. They don’t just go out and harvest their crops. They spend a tremendous amount of time making sure everything is just right to ensure a good yield.
Think about it.
They prepare the soil. They choose the best seeds. They watch the weather. They irrigate. They weed.
They worry and they watch.
Instant results are neither expected nor desired.
How does your approach to intimacy stack up?
Many years ago, I read a statement that foreplay begins when the orgasm ends. But what does that mean?
If you’re only focused on the orgasm, you’re probably disappointed with your sex life. It probably doesn’t meet your expectations—either in quantity or quality.
Because, unlike a farmer, you aren’t creating the environment for success.
Real intimacy requires time and attention. Just like producing a bumper crop does.
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I still remember my client Sarah bouncing into my office claiming she had an epiphany. I said, “Great, what is it?” She said, “I’ve figured out that relationships aren’t natural.” I smiled and replied, “Where did you get the idea they were?” She is not alone in...
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Bad Marriage Advice #17: Your Kids Will Be Just Fine with Your Divorce
Yes, children are resilient. That doesn’t mean you don’t do your best to protect them from harm. Car seats, bike helmets, staying in your yard, meeting their friends’ parents, holding their hand as you cross the street. But divorce? Well, they’ll be okay. Eventually....
This can be confusing because in the early days of a relationship sex is often easy and frequent.
But, over time, as the newness dies down, more attention and intention are necessary to have the kind of intimacy most couples want.
True intimacy is a function of the health of your relationship. If you are disconnected out of the bedroom, you will be disconnected in it.
And it takes clear and specific actions to create the proper relational foundation for intimacy.
This foundation includes emotional safety and emotional connection. If you have those two things, physical intimacy almost feels effortless. Without them, it’s often a struggle.
It also requires dedicated time. If all of your energy is focused away from your relationship, is it any wonder that your sex life is disappointing?
If you only spend time connecting with your wife immediately before inviting her into the bedroom, you’re selling real intimacy short. And your marriage will suffer in the long run.
However, if you’re investing in your marriage on a daily basis, your return will reflect that as well.
You’ve got this. And if you don’t, I’ve got you. Reach out and let me know how you’re investing in your marriage. I really would like to know.
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What You Need to Know to Have an Intimately Healthy Marriage
People need touch—a hug, a snuggle, and, yes, sex—to be healthy. What should seem straight forward is often quite complicated. Stress, hormone levels, time and more, all play a role in how healthy and intimate your marriage is. Women’s Intimate Health Expert Dr. Carolyn DeLucia reveals what every couple needs to know to create deep intimacy and lasting connection.
