With apologies to The Beatles, maintaining a relationship takes more than love. Most of us both love and are in love with our partners when we marry them. But it doesn’t always stay that way. That’s because we don’t learn the skills that can keep your love alive.
Love is a necessary but not sufficient component for a successful marriage. Love is a living thing. And it needs to be nurtured if it is going to survive. But in too many marriages, it dies from neglect.
Love is an action word. If you stop acting in a loving manner, your love will perish. And it is often overshadowed by focusing on things that aren’t seen as loving. This attention to what’s not going well in your relationship creates resentment and gives you permission to withhold your love and affection. You aren’t receiving it, so you stop giving it.
You might believe that if you aren’t feeling a certain way, you can’t take action. But often times, feelings follow actions. And this is how you can turn things around.
And there is another challenge to thinking that love is all you need. What kind of love are you talking about?
Making the Time to Do Marriage Right
“Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.” Oscar Wilde The John Wooden quote, “If you don’t have time to do it right, when will you have the time to do it over?” popped into my head earlier this week when I was talking to Elliot who just married for the...
Who Does What in Your Marriage?
“The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes.” Amy Grant My husband and I were talking about an unhappy married couple that were characters on a recent episode of the television show 9-1-1. He was wondering how things got so bad that the husband...
Your Choices—Helping or Hurting Your Marriage
“Doing the right thing daily, compounds over time.” John C. Maxwell Every waking moment you are making choices. Big ones. Little ones. Conscious ones. Reactive ones. Habitual ones. And they all impact your marriage. Even when they seem to have little to do with it....
If you’ve ever said, or heard, “I love you but I’m not in love with you”, you are missing the big picture. Because this statement is not considered a good thing.
Falling in love is easy. It’s a neurochemical process that is designed to keep humanity going. But it does not last, at least not in the way it begins. It’s an all-consuming event, this falling in love. And it lasts about 18 months because it is unsustainable at this level.
Ideally, this initial heady love transitions to a deeper, more committed love. It can be a little more challenging than when you’re “in love” but it is no less valid and valuable. It’s actually more important for your relationship.
And love also has seasons. It can ebb and flow through the years based on what else is happening in your life. And this is why you need more than just being “in love”. You need friendship and good relationship skills if you’re going to have a good marriage that stands the test of time.
If you’re ready to learn those skills and have the marriage you desire and deserve, let’s talk.
source: The Hero Husband Project
Around the Web This Week
The “No Excuse” Way to Reconnect with Your Spouse
Nothing thrives on neglect and your marriage is no different. But it’s easy to let things go because “it’s not that bad” or other things take priority—your kids, job, social media. If you have lost touch with each other, being stuck together without your usual outlets may feel like torture. But it doesn’t have to. Couples Coach and Founder of Embodied Breath Sarah Poet reveals an easy way to get your relationship groove back. It’s easier than you think.
Bad Marriage Advice #13: Love is all you need
