With apologies to The Beatles, maintaining a relationship takes more than love. Most of us both love and are in love with our partners when we marry them. But it doesn’t always stay that way. That’s because we don’t learn the skills that can keep your love alive.
Love is a necessary but not sufficient component for a successful marriage. Love is a living thing. And it needs to be nurtured if it is going to survive. But in too many marriages, it dies from neglect.
Love is an action word. If you stop acting in a loving manner, your love will perish. And it is often overshadowed by focusing on things that aren’t seen as loving. This attention to what’s not going well in your relationship creates resentment and gives you permission to withhold your love and affection. You aren’t receiving it, so you stop giving it.
You might believe that if you aren’t feeling a certain way, you can’t take action. But often times, feelings follow actions. And this is how you can turn things around.
And there is another challenge to thinking that love is all you need. What kind of love are you talking about?
Bad Marriage Advice #4: If You’re Not Fighting One of You is Hiding Something
Disagreement in a marriage is a given, but fighting is a choice. I will stand behind these words until I can’t speak any longer. So I have a real problem with those in my profession who believe that if you and your wife aren’t fighting then one of you isn’t being...
Bad Marriage Advice #3: It’s Okay to Fight But You Need to Learn to Fight “Fair”
What comes up for you when you hear the word “fight”? Anything positive? This is what my issue is with the marriage advice to couples that it’s okay to fight as long as you do it fairly. To me this is as useful as putting lipstick on a pig. It’s trying to dress up...
Bad Marriage Advice #2: Don’t Go to Bed Angry
On the surface this seems like a good idea. I mean, who can fall asleep when they are spun out about something. And, if you’re upset with your partner, lying next to them and trying to relax just throws gasoline on the fire already burning inside. It’s how this advice...
If you’ve ever said, or heard, “I love you but I’m not in love with you”, you are missing the big picture. Because this statement is not considered a good thing.
Falling in love is easy. It’s a neurochemical process that is designed to keep humanity going. But it does not last, at least not in the way it begins. It’s an all-consuming event, this falling in love. And it lasts about 18 months because it is unsustainable at this level.
Ideally, this initial heady love transitions to a deeper, more committed love. It can be a little more challenging than when you’re “in love” but it is no less valid and valuable. It’s actually more important for your relationship.
And love also has seasons. It can ebb and flow through the years based on what else is happening in your life. And this is why you need more than just being “in love”. You need friendship and good relationship skills if you’re going to have a good marriage that stands the test of time.
If you’re ready to learn those skills and have the marriage you desire and deserve, let’s talk.
source: The Hero Husband Project
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The “No Excuse” Way to Reconnect with Your Spouse
Nothing thrives on neglect and your marriage is no different. But it’s easy to let things go because “it’s not that bad” or other things take priority—your kids, job, social media. If you have lost touch with each other, being stuck together without your usual outlets may feel like torture. But it doesn’t have to. Couples Coach and Founder of Embodied Breath Sarah Poet reveals an easy way to get your relationship groove back. It’s easier than you think.
Bad Marriage Advice #13: Love is all you need
