With apologies to The Beatles, maintaining a relationship takes more than love. Most of us both love and are in love with our partners when we marry them. But it doesn’t always stay that way. That’s because we don’t learn the skills that can keep your love alive.
Love is a necessary but not sufficient component for a successful marriage. Love is a living thing. And it needs to be nurtured if it is going to survive. But in too many marriages, it dies from neglect.
Love is an action word. If you stop acting in a loving manner, your love will perish. And it is often overshadowed by focusing on things that aren’t seen as loving. This attention to what’s not going well in your relationship creates resentment and gives you permission to withhold your love and affection. You aren’t receiving it, so you stop giving it.
You might believe that if you aren’t feeling a certain way, you can’t take action. But often times, feelings follow actions. And this is how you can turn things around.
And there is another challenge to thinking that love is all you need. What kind of love are you talking about?
Does Kindness Live in Your Marriage?
"Kindness and politeness are not overrated at all. They’re underused.” – Tommy Lee Jones I was reading an article the other day about a Science of Happiness course taught at the University of Bristol. The professors identified 80 or so psychological interventions...
Is Your Inner Rebel Destroying Your Marriage?
"Never rebel for the sake of rebelling, but always rebel for the sake of truth." Criss Jami Your wife is asking for you to do more around the house. Doesn’t she understand how tired you are from your long day at work? Doesn’t she appreciate all you already do and now...
Is Marriage or Divorce Harder?
"“You miss one hundred percent of the shots you don’t take.” Wayne Gretzky All relationships end. This includes your marriage. The only questions are when and how. Traditional marriage vows say “until death”. But divorce is both a real, and fairly common, outcome....
If you’ve ever said, or heard, “I love you but I’m not in love with you”, you are missing the big picture. Because this statement is not considered a good thing.
Falling in love is easy. It’s a neurochemical process that is designed to keep humanity going. But it does not last, at least not in the way it begins. It’s an all-consuming event, this falling in love. And it lasts about 18 months because it is unsustainable at this level.
Ideally, this initial heady love transitions to a deeper, more committed love. It can be a little more challenging than when you’re “in love” but it is no less valid and valuable. It’s actually more important for your relationship.
And love also has seasons. It can ebb and flow through the years based on what else is happening in your life. And this is why you need more than just being “in love”. You need friendship and good relationship skills if you’re going to have a good marriage that stands the test of time.
If you’re ready to learn those skills and have the marriage you desire and deserve, let’s talk.
source: The Hero Husband Project
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Bad Marriage Advice #13: Love is all you need
