With apologies to The Beatles, maintaining a relationship takes more than love. Most of us both love and are in love with our partners when we marry them. But it doesn’t always stay that way. That’s because we don’t learn the skills that can keep your love alive.
Love is a necessary but not sufficient component for a successful marriage. Love is a living thing. And it needs to be nurtured if it is going to survive. But in too many marriages, it dies from neglect.
Love is an action word. If you stop acting in a loving manner, your love will perish. And it is often overshadowed by focusing on things that aren’t seen as loving. This attention to what’s not going well in your relationship creates resentment and gives you permission to withhold your love and affection. You aren’t receiving it, so you stop giving it.
You might believe that if you aren’t feeling a certain way, you can’t take action. But often times, feelings follow actions. And this is how you can turn things around.
And there is another challenge to thinking that love is all you need. What kind of love are you talking about?
Letting It All Hang Out May Not Be So Great for Your Marriage
The Free Dictionary defines the phrase “let it all hang out” as “being emotionally open or direct”, or “to express one’s emotions directly.” Sounds great right? Like so many things in marriage, it depends. Yes, you want to share your deepest thoughts and feelings with...
Neither You, Nor Your Marriage, Are Guaranteed a Tomorrow
Last weekend was one of mixed emotions for me. I returned to my special place for the first time in almost 25 years to honor my mother’s final request. She died over 18 months ago and wanted her ashes buried at the cabin our family once owned in the Sierra Nevada...
Do You or Your Wife Make the First Move?
No, I’m not talking about initiating sex. I’m talking about after you’ve had a disagreement or a fight. Who reaches out to the other first? And is it always the same person? Because the details of how the two of you repair the breech in your marriage matters. All...
If you’ve ever said, or heard, “I love you but I’m not in love with you”, you are missing the big picture. Because this statement is not considered a good thing.
Falling in love is easy. It’s a neurochemical process that is designed to keep humanity going. But it does not last, at least not in the way it begins. It’s an all-consuming event, this falling in love. And it lasts about 18 months because it is unsustainable at this level.
Ideally, this initial heady love transitions to a deeper, more committed love. It can be a little more challenging than when you’re “in love” but it is no less valid and valuable. It’s actually more important for your relationship.
And love also has seasons. It can ebb and flow through the years based on what else is happening in your life. And this is why you need more than just being “in love”. You need friendship and good relationship skills if you’re going to have a good marriage that stands the test of time.
If you’re ready to learn those skills and have the marriage you desire and deserve, let’s talk.
source: The Hero Husband Project
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Bad Marriage Advice #13: Love is all you need
