First, you may be a couple that fights hard and loves hard. In other words, you have a big blow up followed by hot and heavy makeup sex. Passions are high on both ends of the spectrum. The sex is great but, over time, it cannot balance out the damage done by the destructive arguing.

The back and forth between the highs and lows takes a toll on both your energy and your love.

Second, sex may be more a function of personal pleasure than emotional connection. You each like the physical release and enjoyment you individually get from having sex and are able to keep it separate from what else is happening in the relationship.

Keeping in mind the happiness ratio of five positive interactions required to balance out one negative interaction and you’ll need to be having a lot of sex to keep the marriage on good footing. 

This usually ends up being unsustainable as the negatives start to pile up.

Finally, sex may be happening as a tradeoff. This is when you’re having sex as a necessity for keeping the other aspects of marriage you or your partner want—financial security, an intact family, etc. It isn’t because you want to be physically intimate, just that it’s cheaper and easier than the alternatives.

In this case, sex can be limited in quantity or quality. One of you is just going through the motions but your heart isn’t in it. 

This can go on for years until one or both of you decide you want more.

You can decide to address it now or wait until, like George, it’s too late.

If you’re interested in receiving my upcoming free offer 5 Things Your Wife Isn’t Telling You About Your Sex Life, send me an email at coach@theherohusbandproject.com and with the subject “I want it!”

If you are ready to improve the intimacy in your marriage today, let’s talk.