I used to get asked all the time what my success rate doing couples counseling was. My answer—100% with couples who were willing and able to do the work and 0% with couples who weren’t. Because I can only provide information. I can’t make someone use it. And neither can any other relationship professional.
Getting help for your marriage isn’t as simple as showing up once a week to a marriage counselor and expecting them to “fix” it.
You have to be willing to be open to new information.
You have to be honest about your thoughts, feelings, and actions.
AND you have to be willing to put into practice what you’re learning between those sessions.
There are some other things that can impact how successful marriage counseling, or any other type of relationship help like coaching, will be.
Making the Time to Do Marriage Right
“Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.” Oscar Wilde The John Wooden quote, “If you don’t have time to do it right, when will you have the time to do it over?” popped into my head earlier this week when I was talking to Elliot who just married for the...
Who Does What in Your Marriage?
“The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes.” Amy Grant My husband and I were talking about an unhappy married couple that were characters on a recent episode of the television show 9-1-1. He was wondering how things got so bad that the husband...
Your Choices—Helping or Hurting Your Marriage
“Doing the right thing daily, compounds over time.” John C. Maxwell Every waking moment you are making choices. Big ones. Little ones. Conscious ones. Reactive ones. Habitual ones. And they all impact your marriage. Even when they seem to have little to do with it....
First, how long the issues and challenges have been going unaddressed will influence your success. On average, couples are struggling for six years before seeking help. The longer you wait to address problems, the longer it will take to resolve them. In addition, the more damage is done by anger, frustration, and resentment.
Unfortunately, the belief that marriage counseling doesn’t work or that things aren’t that bad “yet”, keeps couples from seeking help earlier.
Being proactive and taking steps to keep your marriage out of trouble is the best way to go. And marriage counseling or coaching can help you do that.
Like in many other aspects of your life, taking care of something from the beginning is easier and less costly than trying to repair it once it’s damaged.
Another thing that can impact the success of marriage counseling is your focus. When you are part of a couple, you have a built-in scapegoat. A focus on your partner is common but misplaced. Yes, they are contributing to the challenges in your marriage, but you only have control over yourself.
And that’s where you need to put your attention—on your actions, beliefs, values, and commitment. It’s your counselor’s job to address what your partner is doing.
Finally, who you choose to see for help will determine your success. They should have both experience working with couples and have a pro-marriage focus.
Any mental health professional with at least a Master’s degree and a professional license can do marriage counseling. That doesn’t mean they should.
And people who do coaching don’t even have to have those qualifications.
It’s important to feel comfortable with who you decide to work with because you will be sharing very personal things.
So, choose wisely, but don’t wait to get the help you need to have the marriage you want.
So if you’re ready to get your marriage on track, I invite you to schedule a 5-Star Relationship Consultation today.
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