You’ve probably heard the saying, “It takes two to tango”. Maybe you’ve applied that mindset to addressing problems in your marriage.
Yes, it is ideal if both of you are willing to sit down and tackle any issues together. That’s the definition of teamwork. And in good marriages this is what happens.
But what if you’re struggling and can’t resolve the problems?
Maybe you’ve asked your partner to go with you to get some help and they’ve said “no”.
That doesn’t mean all is lost.
The truth is that you can make big changes in your marriage all by yourself.
I happened to get lucky when I was just starting out as a Marriage and Family Therapist. At a national conference, I walked into my colleague Michele Weiner-Davis’ presentation It Takes One to Tango. This is where I learned that having both partners seeking help for their marriage isn’t necessary.
Let me say that again. Having both partners seeking help for their marriage isn’t necessary.
Bad Marriage Advice #23: Your Partner Should Meet All of Your Needs
If your spouse truly loved you, you wouldn’t need anyone else in your life to fulfill any of your needs. Sounds good, doesn’t it? The two of you wrapped in a bubble of complete bliss and contentment, needing no one or nothing outside of it? Blech!!!! Who comes up with...
Bad Marriage Advice #22: Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater
Betrayal, no matter what kind, is devastating. Many believe infidelity may be the worst form of betrayal. If it has ever happened to you, you know what I mean. But does it have to mean the end of your marriage? Most people think it does. Hence the common advice—once...
Bad Marriage Advice #20: Marriage Counseling Doesn’t Work
I used to get asked all the time what my success rate doing couples counseling was. My answer—100% with couples who were willing and able to do the work and 0% with couples who weren’t. Because I can only provide information. I can’t make someone use it. And neither...
You can make huge differences in your marriage on your own. Learning what makes a relationship healthy, understanding your part in the unproductive patterns you and your spouse replay, and implementing effective change is the powerful answer you need.
In the time you’ve taken to try to get your partner to go with you to get help, things have probably gotten worse.
The amount of hurt, frustration, and resentment you feel increases with each failed conversation.
And the longer you wait to seek help, the worse the problems—and how you feel about them—will get.
I get it. Why should you have to get help alone when the issues are created by both of you?
The answer? It depends on what you want.
If you want a better marriage and can get it by making changes on your own, is it worth it to take the first step.
Because when you change your part in the pattern, your spouse can’t keep doing their part. And that’s the key to turning things around.
You start and your partner will follow.
Finding out the best way to make these changes is where a professional comes in. They will provide you with the knowledge and support you need so you won’t be doing it alone. It just won’t be with the person you thought you needed.
If you don’t want to waste one more day spinning your wheels, I invite you to schedule a 5-Star Relationship Consultation today and find out what’s possible.
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BAD MARRIAGE ADVICE #21: COUNSELING WON’T WORK IF YOUR PARTNER WON’T GO
A lot of people don’t seek help for their marriage because their partner won’t go. But learning what makes relationships work AND changing what you’re doing, the marriage will change. If you think there is a problem with the marriage, there is. So don’t wait until your partner is on board to address it.
