Betrayal, no matter what kind, is devastating. Many believe infidelity may be the worst form of betrayal. If it has ever happened to you, you know what I mean. But does it have to mean the end of your marriage?
Most people think it does. Hence the common advice—once a cheater, always a cheater.
I’ve been thinking about this ever since I heard about model Emily Ratajkowski and her husband producer Sebastian Bear-McCloud splitting up due to his cheating. According to her, “He’s a serial cheater. He’s a dog.”
Now I really don’t know anything about them or their marriage. And I do not excuse cheating under any circumstance. It is always destructive. But all cheating is not created equal.
I remember working with Bruce and Megan (not their real names) many years ago. He had a one-night stand when he was going through an emotional and mental rough patch. Everything they found on-line told them there was no rescuing their marriage. That cheating was a deal breaker there was no coming back from.
Luckily, they didn’t settle for that. Bruce put in the work, got himself in a better place, and Megan was able to forgive him. They used this devastating moment to build a stronger connection and a better marriage.
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What they learned through the process of healing helped put their relationship on the strong foundation it was missing before the infidelity.
This happens frequently with couples who are brave enough to confront the cheating head on.
They emerge with a stronger, more intimate marriage because they learn not to hold back. They celebrate the good, address the bad, and tackle the ugly.
They strip themselves emotionally bare and reassemble the pieces into the type of marriage most of us only dream of.
And one piece of that is understanding why the cheating happened in the first place so it will never happen again.
Because with cheating if you get a do over, you’ll only get one. If it ever happens again, you will be fully aware of the damage you’d be doing. And if you get that chance, take it as the truly generous gift that it is.
If you aren’t interested in stepping up, doing the work, and making amends, then you probably will cheat again. And the above adage will then fit you.
The choice is, as always, yours.
If you have cheated, or are considering it, and want help, then please don’t wait to schedule a 5-Star Relationship Consultation today and find out what’s possible.
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Anger and I are old friends. And if my husband wasn’t the calm, level-headed guy that he is, we wouldn’t still be married. Because anger can be very destructive. Used properly, it can also bring necessary change. It is a powerful emotion and not all anger is created equal. Author and Clinical Psychologist Dr. Kelly Flannagan explains how you can learn to identify unproductive, even harmful anger, and, more importantly, how to get a handle on it so it doesn’t destroy your marriage.
BAD MARRIAGE ADVICE #22: ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER
