Disagreement in a marriage is a given, but fighting is a choice. I will stand behind these words until I can’t speak any longer. So I have a real problem with those in my profession who believe that if you and your wife aren’t fighting then one of you isn’t being honest about something.
Maybe it just means the two of you have figured out how to deal with your disagreements in a mature and productive way.
My husband and I disagree about a lot of things, but I can count the number of fights we’ve had in 37 years on one hand.
He never ran away from a disagreement. He just refused to escalate it into an argument. And eventually I learned the value of this approach.
According to marriage guru John Gottman, 69% of all disagreements in a marriage go unresolved. Unfortunately, in most marriages, they just get recycled into never ending arguments. The result being increased distance and resentment.
Bad Marriage Advice #17: Your Kids Will Be Just Fine with Your Divorce
Yes, children are resilient. That doesn’t mean you don’t do your best to protect them from harm. Car seats, bike helmets, staying in your yard, meeting their friends’ parents, holding their hand as you cross the street. But divorce? Well, they’ll be okay. Eventually....
Bad Marriage Advice #15: If Your Partner Really Loves You, They’ll Just Know What You Need
Several years ago, I was hiking with my mother when she said, “I don’t believe women should have to ask for what they want?” Luckily, I was behind her so she couldn’t see my jaw drop. You see, I’m not a subscriber to the mind-reading school of marriage. Love doesn’t...
Bad Marriage Advice #14: If You’re Having Sex, Your Marriage is Okay
It’s commonly accepted that, if things aren’t going well in your marriage, the problems will show up in the bedroom. So many people believe the opposite is true. If there are no problems in the bedroom, the marriage is okay. I suggest you be careful in making this...
But disagreeing with someone doesn’t require conflict to follow.
There are times when you disagree with friends, relatives, coworkers, etc. But how often do you fight with them? And how absurd is it to suggest that something is wrong if you don’t?
So, why, in the most important relationship you will ever be in, is fighting seen as not just good but essential?
It reminds me of the company my husband used to work for who every year required all managers to rate some employee a 1 or 2 even if their performance met expectations. What this suggests is that, somehow, they failed to hire or train well. Instead of being rewarded for that, they had to lie about and to one of their team.
If you or your partner are keeping differing opinions to yourself, is it because you fear your partner’s anger or judgment? Or is it because you’ve learned to agree to disagree? The former is problematic and needs to be addressed. The latter is good relationship skill.
Any two people are going to disagree about something at some point in time. It only becomes problematic if you let it. Hiding it can be as detrimental as giving full-throated vent to it. Happily married couples know how to keep their disagreements in perspective.
If you want to know how to resolve disagreements without arguing, I invite you to schedule a conversation with me.
source: The Hero Husband Project
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LOVE BY LETTING GO OF FEAR
Fear may be the most powerful emotion we experience. It may even be stronger than love. One thing is for certain, it rears its ugly head way too often in our relationships. Fear keeps us from sharing our deepest thoughts and intense emotions; just what we really need to do to have the love we want and deserve. John Kim, Life Coach and Marriage and Family Therapist, reveals how you can conquer fear, take back your life, and find contentment and acceptance in your marriage.
DOES NOT FIGHTING MEAN ONE OF YOU IS HIDING SOMETHING?
