Disagreement in a marriage is a given, but fighting is a choice. I will stand behind these words until I can’t speak any longer. So I have a real problem with those in my profession who believe that if you and your wife aren’t fighting then one of you isn’t being honest about something.
Maybe it just means the two of you have figured out how to deal with your disagreements in a mature and productive way.
My husband and I disagree about a lot of things, but I can count the number of fights we’ve had in 37 years on one hand.
He never ran away from a disagreement. He just refused to escalate it into an argument. And eventually I learned the value of this approach.
According to marriage guru John Gottman, 69% of all disagreements in a marriage go unresolved. Unfortunately, in most marriages, they just get recycled into never ending arguments. The result being increased distance and resentment.
Bad Marriage Advice #7 – Marriage Requires Compromise
You’ve heard it—marriage requires compromise. You know the drill. You give up something, she gives up something and you meet somewhere in the middle. Sounds good in theory doesn’t it. But in practice, not so much. Yes, you need to reach decisions about things. Though...
BAD MARRIAGE ADVICE #6: MARRIAGE TAKES HARD WORK
Every time I hear someone say that marriage takes hard work I think, “Yeah, sign me up for that.” It sounds like I need to go out and plow the back 40 in 100-degree heat and 100 percent humidity. There is nothing about it that sounds appealing. Maybe that’s why so...
The Infamous Slap and How It Can Help Your Marriage
Everyone and their brother are weighing in on the slap Will Smith delivered to Chris Rock at the Academy Awards. I wasn’t going to until I realized it fits right in with the bad marriage advice people get about “fighting”. Specifically, the impact of acting on your...
But disagreeing with someone doesn’t require conflict to follow.
There are times when you disagree with friends, relatives, coworkers, etc. But how often do you fight with them? And how absurd is it to suggest that something is wrong if you don’t?
So, why, in the most important relationship you will ever be in, is fighting seen as not just good but essential?
It reminds me of the company my husband used to work for who every year required all managers to rate some employee a 1 or 2 even if their performance met expectations. What this suggests is that, somehow, they failed to hire or train well. Instead of being rewarded for that, they had to lie about and to one of their team.
If you or your partner are keeping differing opinions to yourself, is it because you fear your partner’s anger or judgment? Or is it because you’ve learned to agree to disagree? The former is problematic and needs to be addressed. The latter is good relationship skill.
Any two people are going to disagree about something at some point in time. It only becomes problematic if you let it. Hiding it can be as detrimental as giving full-throated vent to it. Happily married couples know how to keep their disagreements in perspective.
If you want to know how to resolve disagreements without arguing, I invite you to schedule a conversation with me.
source: The Hero Husband Project
Around the Web This Week
LOVE BY LETTING GO OF FEAR
Fear may be the most powerful emotion we experience. It may even be stronger than love. One thing is for certain, it rears its ugly head way too often in our relationships. Fear keeps us from sharing our deepest thoughts and intense emotions; just what we really need to do to have the love we want and deserve. John Kim, Life Coach and Marriage and Family Therapist, reveals how you can conquer fear, take back your life, and find contentment and acceptance in your marriage.
DOES NOT FIGHTING MEAN ONE OF YOU IS HIDING SOMETHING?
