Most fights aren’t planned. So a tactic that requires you to have privacy to continue is really not very helpful.
A better option is to learn how to communicate in a way that will all but eliminate arguments and fights.
Because disagreement in any relationship is a given. But escalating that disagreement is a choice. And it’s one you don’t have to make.
And be honest, you know the conversations in your marriage that escalate into arguments. You can tell me the pattern you and your partner repeat over and over again. Which means you have the power to change it.
UNDERSTANDING IN MARRIAGE IS OVERRATED
Do you make your wife jump through hoops to get courtesy and compassion from you? If so, you’re putting your marriage in grave danger. I was thinking about this during a session earlier today with my clients Todd and Susan (not their real names). She was hurt when he...
Bad Marriage Advice #25: Forgive and Forget
While forgiveness is both important and necessary for a healthy marriage, it’s not as simple as this expression implies. Forgiveness is a process and cannot be rushed. In addition, it may not be possible or even desirable to “forget” an incident that requires...
BAD MARRIAGE ADVICE #24: HAVING A BABY WILL FIX YOUR MARRIAGE
There is so much wrong with this marriage advice, I don’t even know where to start. Frankly, the only reason you should have a baby is because you want one. A baby is a person, not duct tape. A baby is also completely helpless. Dependent on the adults to make sure it...
The entire point of fighting naked or fighting fair is to bring your cognitive brain to the situation. If you have to stop to take your clothes off, you are taking a pause from the emotional escalation. You may still be hot, but your focus has shifted to taking an action—getting naked.
This allows you to interrupt your emotions long enough to take control of them. And there are other things you can do to accomplish this same goal that don’t require privacy to do.
Taking a few deep breaths, counting to ten, excusing yourself temporarily in some way from the situation all work. Even just repeating back what you heard your partner say is enough for you to grab your intensifying emotional reaction and defensiveness.
Arguing and fighting is never about your partner. Yes, you disagree with her. Yes, she may be saying things that are hurtful or you believe are untrue. But she cannot make you argue or fight. Only you can do that.
And anything that happens after you choose to fight is on you. You choose the behavior, you own the consequences.
Yes, learning a new way to discuss and resolve differences will be uncomfortable at first. But it is much easier to deal productively with the issue at hand without first having to repair damage done by an earlier fight about it.
So save getting naked for more positive times.
If you’re ready to learn a sure-fire way to resolve differences without fights or arguments, then I can help. Schedule a call with me and learn how simple it can be to bring peace, harmony, and real solutions to your marriage.
source: The Hero Husband Project
Around the Web This Week
The Double-edged Sword of Silence in Your Marriage
Does silence make you uncomfortable? If it does, you’re not alone. Especially if that silence is coming from your spouse. Are they mad? Unhappy about something? Are they thinking about leaving?
These types of thoughts (and others) can crop up when your partner is silent. And if you don’t have a way to clarify what’s happening, you’re going to act as if this is the truth. Silence isn’t always a problem but how can you know? Psychotherapist and author Mel Schwartz offers some advice of how to deal with silence in your marriage.
Bad Marriage Advice #5: Fight Naked
