BAD MARRIAGE ADVICE #6: MARRIAGE TAKES HARD WORK

by | Apr 15, 2022 | Love and Marriage

Every time I hear someone say that marriage takes hard work I think, “Yeah, sign me up for that.” It sounds like I need to go out and plow the back 40 in 100-degree heat and 100 percent humidity. There is nothing about it that sounds appealing. Maybe that’s why so many people are choosing to forgo marriage.

I’ve been married almost 37 years and I’ve never found it to be particularly difficult. That doesn’t mean there weren’t times it’s needed more attention than others. But most of those times involved external pressures that having a life partner made easier. Turning towards my husband and working with him got us through those times faster and served to anchor us more solidly together.

It probably has helped that I have worked in the marriage/relationship field for over 20 of those years. What makes marriage so difficult for most couples is that they are trying to build something without having the proper tools.

And if you’re one of the countless people who are working hard at your marriage, it’s not your fault. No one has to take a Relationship 101 class, and, in my opinion, everyone should.

What makes marriage so challenging is that every romantic relationship you’ve been in before this one has ended. And now, with no more knowledge or skills, you’re supposed to keep this one going. You will try to use the same limited tools you’ve always used but expect a different result. And your wife is trying to do the same.

No wonder you both are exhausted and discouraged

But, because you’ve been told it’s hard work, you think you’re doing it right. And you end up settling for less than what either of you want. Or could have.

And marriage is truly a unique relationship. At best, your spouse is your lover, your friend, your family, your business partner, your roommate and, often, your co-parent. Oh, and marriage is also a legal contract. 

With all those moving parts, it’s not surprising you might find it challenging. But keeping it that way is a choice.

Many years ago, my client Julie bounced into my office and exclaimed, “I had an epiphany. Relationships aren’t natural.” 

I smiled and responded, “Where did you get the idea they were?”

Running is “natural” too but, if you want to be in the Olympics, you’re going to need some training to become great at it. There are techniques you will learn, and repeated practice will help you master the mechanics.

The same is true for your marriage. If you want it to thrive, not just survive, you need to understand the fundamentals and apply them consistently. Over time, they will become automatic. Like driving a car. At first, it’s scary and there’s a lot to pay attention to. But now, you probably just hop into the driver’s seat and go.

If you’re ready to up your marriage game and let go of the hard work, let’s talk.

If you want to be able to talk to your spouse about anything and resolve ongoing issues once and for all, download your free guide now.

source: The Hero Husband Project 

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