Marriage is 50/50. You do your half. She does hers. And together you’ll get a complete marriage. Sounds good right? Except it doesn’t really work that way. Instead of getting a 100% marriage, you’ll end up with a partial one where neither of you is fully living up to your vows.
In truth, marriage is 100/100. If you want a truly great one, you both need to bring your best selves to the relationship each and every day.
I refer to marriage as the ultimate team sport. You won’t win a championship if you don’t give it your all. You’re counting on your teammates to give their all as well. That’s the way you bring home the trophy. And your marriage is no different.
My husband’s friend rows on a crew team. The boats are very sensitive and everyone on the team knows when one member is having an off day and not putting in their usual effort. It seriously impacts the entire team and limits what they can accomplish. Your relationship is just as sensitive.
I have never been to a wedding where the vows were, “I promise to love, honor and cherish you as long as you do the same.” You each make promises without condition. Marriage is a contract with specific terms each party agrees to uphold.
This is what makes it 100/100. And your obligation is to honor the agreement you made.
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When you take the focus off you and focus on what you believe your partner isn’t doing, you give yourself permission to do less than what you agreed to do. And that is what gets a lot of couples into trouble.
Instead of doing what you know is best for your marriage, you give yourself reasons why it’s okay not to. You work hard and you’re tired. Besides she didn’t do something she promised to do so why should you?
This is the beginning of the marriage death spiral that is scorekeeping. You won’t do something because she doesn’t. She won’t do something because you don’t. You both are so busy making sure you don’t do anything “extra” that you don’t notice your relationship circling the drain.
Instead of seeing things as unfairly benefiting your undeserving partner, try thinking about it as a win for your marriage. When you do loving and generous things for your wife, your marriage benefits.
And every marriage needs a hero. Someone who will go first and lead the way to a happier, more compassionate relationship you both want to be part of.
The added benefit—she will stop scorekeeping too. It won’t be an issue because you will have created the relationship you intended to have on that day you both said “I do”.
If you’re ready to have a championship marriage, let’s talk.
If you want to learn more about how to resolve ongoing issues once and for all, download your free guide now.
source: The Hero Husband Project
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