“In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes. Benjamin Franklin
Old Ben had it wrong. There is another thing that is certain—change. And the holiday season can be a prime source for the kind that can truly be life altering.
This year, for the first time in almost thirty years, I won’t have both my children with me on Christmas Day.
My daughter will be spending Christmas morning with her newborn. My first grandchild. I will probably see them both (and my son-in-law) later in the day.
My son will be spending it with his girlfriend’s family. We will be celebrating sometime before or after.
As long as I get to see them, it will all be good.
We’ll still do all the things we’ve always done—make Christmas cookies, watch Christmas movies, make a special breakfast and dinner. Christmas day will be different, however. And that’s just fine.
Being able to go with the flow and adjust when necessary is what keeps stress down and makes the holidays enjoyable.
How is change handled in your house? Do the holidays bring more or less stress?
These answers are important to the health of your marriage.
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You may not know it, but for many couples, these are the last days you will be together as a family.
Because what happens over the next few weeks can be a magnifying glass on your relationship. If there are any cracks, the stress of the holidays can break things wide open.
Trying to make everything perfect. Trying to make everyone happy. And trying to do this all alone can send a person over the edge.
The answer isn’t just to say that doing all these things doesn’t matter. It may matter very much to one of you. And if it matters to one, it impacts you both.
The better solution is to participate when and how you can. Especially when it comes to your extended family.
Shop for them. Wrap their gifts. Take the lead in arranging time with them. Don’t leave that to your spouse.
For your marriage, make sure you are working as a team around spending, shopping, decorating, and choosing the holiday celebrations you will attend.
Your presence and support are the gifts that will make the biggest impact. And that’s what will make all the difference. Not to mention a happier holiday season.
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. Reach out and let me know what you find most stressful about the holidays.
Around the Web This Week
Dreading the Holiday Season? You don’t have to!
For many, this time of year can be really stressful. Instead of feeling joyous and full of good cheer, you may be feeling anxious instead. Oh, you might put a smile on your face and commit to following all the usual traditions, but you’re already exhausted by overwhelm. And overly focusing on making everyone’s holidays happy whether they, or you, like it or not will only make it worse. The fact is we bring most of this stress on ourselves. The good news is that you have the power to make it go away.
Authors of the Irrelationship: How We Use Dysfunctional Relationships to Hide from Intimacy, psychoanalyst Dr. Mark Borg, psychiatrist, Dr. Grant Brenner, and registered nurse Daniel Berry, join the show for a discussion of how you can minimize the stress of the season and really enjoy your holidays.
