In the first two days of the new year, I received seven inquiries about marriage help. That included on New Year’s Day. And it was a weekend. So starts the annual rush for marriage professionals and divorce attorneys. Maybe you’re considering reaching out to one or the other. Or your wife is.
I believe that most marriages can be made better, though most of them won’t.
First, because couples wait an average of six years before seeking help. A lot of unnecessary damage is done during that time. And, if an attorney has been contacted, that’s just more to overcome.
Second, the focus is often on what your partner is doing to muck things up. Yes, some of those things matter, but trying to get other people to change by complaining about them is rarely effective.
Last, taking ownership of what you’ve contributed to the unhealthy situation and committing to do what needs to be done to turn things around is uncomfortable. The desire to have a better marriage is there in theory, but, when the challenging work starts, it becomes easier to go back to the status quo. No matter how painful or unproductive.
And, if you want to be divorced, lose half of everything you’ve acquired, and not see your children every day, well, okay. Wish granted. You certainly won’t be alone in that choice.
Or—you can become a leader. The person who takes charge, steps up, and makes the necessary changes. Because when you do things differently, your wife can’t continue to do things the old way.
Many key leadership qualities can be learned and improved with consistent action such as effective communication, goal-setting, and strategic thinking. All skills that work as well in your marriage as they do in your business.
Here are three leadership qualities you can embrace that will set you up for marital success.
1. Good leaders are self-aware and prioritize personal development. Instead of focusing on what others are doing, leaders address their own deficiencies. They seek out information and mentors who will challenge their beliefs, shake them out of their comfort zone, and make them better people.
2. Good leaders encourage strategic thinking, innovation, and action. While no one can make someone else do something, leaders can and do influence by example. Setting goals, listening to understand not to persuade or correct, and developing good relational skills are ways to make your marriage better without your wife doing a thing. However, she will be exposed to this new way forward.
3. Good leaders are ethical and civic-minded. A good leader is trusted because they keep their word and live their values, even when it is difficult or uncomfortable. This allows other people to feel safe and secure. Good leaders also care about the impact of their actions on others. It isn’t only about what they want to do but about what promotes the welfare of everyone involved. This is real relational behavior that honors the individuals as well. The very definition of a good marriage. So if you’re ready to step up and take ownership of your marriage, reserve a time to talk with me here.
