“…maybe sometimes it’s riskier not to take a risk. Sometimes all you’re guaranteeing is that things will stay the same.” Danny Wallace
Are you 100% satisfied with your marriage? If so, good for you.
But if you’re like many people, there are probably one or two things you might want to be different.
Everyone wants things to be better about some aspect of their lives. For many, that means their romantic relationship. But the piece most people miss is a real grasp of what’s truly going on.
I was reading an article about what the top 1% of people in any given field do differently from the rest of us. And one of the most important things they do is understand the reality of where they are.
Because the sooner you accept your current circumstances, the quicker you can take the necessary steps to fix it.
Relationships, especially marriage, add a unique challenge because it’s not just your feelings about it. Your partner’s feelings matter as well. And you may have different views of what’s going on.
Your marriage has to work for both of you. So, if one of you is dissatisfied, your marriage isn’t working.
And if you’re the one who thinks things are “okay”, you may be missing important information. And a big piece of what’s missing is your acceptance of “okay”.
No life is completely carefree. No marriage is either. But if your marriage becomes an empty shell, it’s headed for failure.
So you’re basically left with two choices—let that happen or fight to make it better.
Are You Passing the Marriage Test?
"Marriage is our last best chance to grow up." John Barth I was talking to an old friend the other day. He reached out to get my advice about whether he should get married again. He knows what I do for a living and wanted an “expert” opinion. This would be marriage #3...
Are You Settling in Your Marriage?
“The biggest human temptation is to settle for too little.” Thomas Merton She said, “My husband asked me last week if I still wanted to be married to him. My slightly too long pause gave us both the answer.” I overheard this conversation while waiting for my coffee...
Why is Anyone Married Today?
"Your naked body should only belong to (the one who falls) in love with your naked soul.” Charlie Chaplin When my daughter got married three years ago my nieces were very interested in the wedding plans. What confused them was her decision to get married in the first...
In order to move forward, you have to be honest about where you are.
You may not agree with your partner’s position. They may not agree with yours. But if you want things to be better, pretending the other doesn’t feel the way they do will make progress impossible.
The first step is to validate what each of you are experiencing.
I know it can be tempting to minimize those feelings. To hold on to the idea that “it’s not that bad”. But pretending isn’t going to make things better. Neither will time.
It can be scary to face what’s really happening. It can be scary to try something different. To rock the boat when you can’t be certain of the outcome.
That fear can paralyze you. Keep you from seeing or acting on the truth. Keep you doing the same things even though you know they aren’t working.
To have the marriage you each want, the only thing that will work is taking productive action. This may mean learning new things and/or getting help.
But the alternative is to lose your wife and family.
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. I invite you to take a Relationship Quiz to identify the reality of where your marriage is.
