No, you did not misread that. It is possible to keep your sex life going in top form through the years, no matter how old you are or how long you’ve been together. Unfortunately, sex, or lack thereof, is often a source of frustration and arguments in many marriages.
One of the things that makes it so contentious is that the focus is often on the frequency of sex instead of the quality. If sex is good for both of you, the chance of having it often goes up. And, if there are difficulties in your relationship, it will impact your bedroom action.
There are a couple of things that need to be considered if you want a better sex life.
First, has it always been this way? One of my clients, Ben, has been married over twenty years and it’s basically been a sexless relationship from the beginning. She isn’t interested and he’s forced himself to accept it. The longer things have been bad, the harder it is to turn things around. In this particular instance, the chance of sex, good or otherwise, is unlikely. And it’s sad.
Another client, Greg, always thought his relationship was good because sex was frequent and, for the most part, enjoyable. Then there was a major rift in the marriage and sex stopped. In fact, all physical interaction dried up immediately. There is hope for sex to return but not until the rift has healed. Luckily, they are working on it.
One of the most important factors in having good sex in a long-term relationship is to deal with the problems and challenges that inevitably crop up. Being able to successfully resolve issues, instead of letting them fester and take root in the form of resentment, means your relationship is safe enough for the vulnerability that is essential for really good sex.
Another feature of good sex is positive emotional intimacy. The closer and more connected the two of you are outside of the bedroom, the better things will be in it. Knowing your partner’s thoughts and feelings about things and sharing your own on a regular basis is important for keeping your relationship strong. When you have the safety, security, and consistency to reveal everything, talking about what’s happening in your sex life becomes easier and more productive.
Finally, the way to maintain good sex over the long run is to continue to make regular time to be a couple. Don’t let the day-to-day grind of kids, work, chores, electronic distractions get in the way of being together and having fun. This is what derails many couples. They stop making time or try to shove a bunch of stuff into the limited time they do set aside.
Set aside specific time every week to play and have fun. Set aside some other time to discuss what’s happening in your relationship and a different time to talk about other things. Finally, make sure you take time every day to be with each other and show love, appreciation, and interest.
That is a turn-on that lasts.
If you’d like some help creating a healthier sex life, let’s talk.
