“Love is like a puzzle. It can be unboxed by most but understood and built by little.” Juan Menjiver
I love puzzles. Of all kinds. Jigsaws, Crosswords, Jumbles. You name it.
Mysteries in books and T.V. are my favorite genre.
I love trying to figure things out. Putting the pieces together to see what’s really happening.
It’s why I love focusing on relationships. For me, it’s all about putting the pieces in the right places so the bigger picture is revealed.
And, for me, marriage is the ultimate puzzle.
You and your partner provide both the pieces and the structure. That’s what makes it fun and, often, frustrating.
The fun part is taking all the pieces you each bring and putting them together to form a picture you both like.
The frustrating part is that you don’t have that picture to start with. So in addition to the puzzle, there’s a bit of a Scavenger Hunt thrown in. You have to decide which pieces you already have are important to keep as well as which ones you still need to find.
Do You Respond Badly to Your Wife’s Criticism?
No one likes criticism. Even if given “constructively”, it hurts. And when it comes from your wife? Even harder. How you respond to it can, and often, does make the situation worse. And this puts your marriage in danger. Yes, she may be exaggerating your actions. Yes,...
Women Shouldn’t Do Anymore Housework this Year
That’s the title of a piece by Sarah Greene Carmichael of Bloomberg Opinion that appeared in my local paper last Saturday. According to her, there should be an Equal Housework Day every August to underline the extra labor women put in at home. Time Magazine had a...
UNDERSTANDING IN MARRIAGE IS OVERRATED
Do you make your wife jump through hoops to get courtesy and compassion from you? If so, you’re putting your marriage in grave danger. I was thinking about this during a session earlier today with my clients Todd and Susan (not their real names). She was hurt when he...
Your marriage forms the frame using the outside pieces. These are the parameters you can’t change like your age, height, past experiences, personality, natural abilities, etc.
The inside pieces are everything else.
Most marriage puzzles will have common sections: money, lifestyle, communication, intimacy, friends and family, and, maybe, children. But how you put those pieces together will be unique to your marriage.
The challenge comes in when you and your partner can’t decide what those sections look like or what pieces belong in them.
And sometimes the pieces you try to put together don’t really fit. They might seem to at first, but as you continue to put the rest of the puzzle together, you realize that piece is in the wrong place.
The truth is that the picture, the puzzle you’re putting together, is never finished. You both will be adding and taking away pieces. But, if the frame is strong enough, the picture will hold.
However, if you’re missing some important pieces, the picture will be harder to see and, therefore, harder to bring to life.
If you want some guidance from a puzzle expert to create a marriage picture you both love, let me know.
Around the Web This Week
I LOVE MY SPOUSE, I LOVE THEM NOT
Do you ever feel like you’re in a “push me/pull you” relationship with your partner? Are you afraid your relationship will end so you either hang on to your partner with everything you’ve got or hold them at arm’s length so it won’t hurt so much when it ends? When things aren’t going great, do you question if your partner is “the one”? Psychotherapist Sarah Murphy explains what is going on and how you can get your relationship on a healthier and happier path.
