“Love is like a puzzle. It can be unboxed by most but understood and built by little.” Juan Menjiver
I love puzzles. Of all kinds. Jigsaws, Crosswords, Jumbles. You name it.
Mysteries in books and T.V. are my favorite genre.
I love trying to figure things out. Putting the pieces together to see what’s really happening.
It’s why I love focusing on relationships. For me, it’s all about putting the pieces in the right places so the bigger picture is revealed.
And, for me, marriage is the ultimate puzzle.
You and your partner provide both the pieces and the structure. That’s what makes it fun and, often, frustrating.
The fun part is taking all the pieces you each bring and putting them together to form a picture you both like.
The frustrating part is that you don’t have that picture to start with. So in addition to the puzzle, there’s a bit of a Scavenger Hunt thrown in. You have to decide which pieces you already have are important to keep as well as which ones you still need to find.
Bad Marriage Advice #9: Marriage is 50/50
Marriage is 50/50. You do your half. She does hers. And together you’ll get a complete marriage. Sounds good right? Except it doesn’t really work that way. Instead of getting a 100% marriage, you’ll end up with a partial one where neither of you is fully living up to...
Bad Marriage Advice #8: Marriage Requires Sacrifice
What do you think of when you hear the word “sacrifice”? Does it sound easy or difficult? And should it be a required part of marriage? Not in my book. Because marriage is not a deity or supernatural blob that needs to be appeased. Sacrifice is defined by Merriam...
Bad Marriage Advice #7 – Marriage Requires Compromise
You’ve heard it—marriage requires compromise. You know the drill. You give up something, she gives up something and you meet somewhere in the middle. Sounds good in theory doesn’t it. But in practice, not so much. Yes, you need to reach decisions about things. Though...
Your marriage forms the frame using the outside pieces. These are the parameters you can’t change like your age, height, past experiences, personality, natural abilities, etc.
The inside pieces are everything else.
Most marriage puzzles will have common sections: money, lifestyle, communication, intimacy, friends and family, and, maybe, children. But how you put those pieces together will be unique to your marriage.
The challenge comes in when you and your partner can’t decide what those sections look like or what pieces belong in them.
And sometimes the pieces you try to put together don’t really fit. They might seem to at first, but as you continue to put the rest of the puzzle together, you realize that piece is in the wrong place.
The truth is that the picture, the puzzle you’re putting together, is never finished. You both will be adding and taking away pieces. But, if the frame is strong enough, the picture will hold.
However, if you’re missing some important pieces, the picture will be harder to see and, therefore, harder to bring to life.
If you want some guidance from a puzzle expert to create a marriage picture you both love, let me know.
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I LOVE MY SPOUSE, I LOVE THEM NOT
Do you ever feel like you’re in a “push me/pull you” relationship with your partner? Are you afraid your relationship will end so you either hang on to your partner with everything you’ve got or hold them at arm’s length so it won’t hurt so much when it ends? When things aren’t going great, do you question if your partner is “the one”? Psychotherapist Sarah Murphy explains what is going on and how you can get your relationship on a healthier and happier path.
