“When I attained a certain advanced intimacy with a man, and I don’t just mean sex, I married him.” Hedy Lamarr
I remember falling in love with my husband. We met at my older sister’s graduation from law school in Colorado. He was her husband’s best friend.
We started talking at her party that evening and kept at it until 4 am.
We got together for lunch the next day and spent that day talking.
Then I went home to Los Angeles, and we spent the next three months writing daily letters and talking on the phone every night. (And that’s before cell phones when you had to pay extra to talk long distance.)
We got to know each other so well during that time that we got engaged. Yes, after 3 months.
Do you remember when you fell in love with your wife?
Did you spend a lot of time talking? Sharing your histories, experiences, hopes, dreams?
If you did, that probably played a role in the decision to get married. The two of you felt connected.
What about today? Do you and your wife still talk in the same way?
Or do you, like many couples, talk only about logistics and superficial things?
But Lesli, you say, there just isn’t the time anymore.
I get it. There’s work, the kids, chores, football (or basketball), TikTok, binging the latest must-see TV. Who has time for a deep, connecting conversation?
If that sounds familiar, I have a question.
How’s your sex life?
Are you hiding something if you don’t fight?
Many marriage professionals encourage couples to fight. They say that if you're not fighting, one of you is being less than honest. I say HOOEY!!" Watch the Entire Bad Marriage Advice Series on YouTube
The Problem with Fighting Fair
You're told that all couples fight and the best thing to do is to learn to fight "fair". I call BS on that. Disagreement is a given but fighting is a choice and it's hard to put a positive spin on the word "fight" Watch the Entire Bad Marriage Advice Series on ...
Why “Don’t Go to Bed Angry” is Bad Marriage Advice
While it sounds good AND it is hard to go to sleep when you're upset, continuing a contentious conversation into the wee hours is not good for your marriage. Watch the Entire Bad Marriage Advice Series on YouTube
WAIT, what does that have to do with anything?
If you’re not connected outside of the bedroom, it most likely is keeping you from connecting inside of it.
And, if you’re like most men, you’re trying to fix that by focusing on spicing things up between the sheets instead of improving your emotional connection to your wife.
Making time for the type of conversations you used to have, the ones where you’re truly interested in learning about each other, is the path to the intimacy you’re wanting to recapture.
So, go back to the beginning, instead of trying to create change at the end. That’s the path to success in and out of your bedroom.
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. If you’re a man who wants more intimacy and connection, the upcoming Intimacy UNLEASHED Masterclass is for you. Sign up here.
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