“When I attained a certain advanced intimacy with a man, and I don’t just mean sex, I married him.” Hedy Lamarr
I remember falling in love with my husband. We met at my older sister’s graduation from law school in Colorado. He was her husband’s best friend.
We started talking at her party that evening and kept at it until 4 am.
We got together for lunch the next day and spent that day talking.
Then I went home to Los Angeles, and we spent the next three months writing daily letters and talking on the phone every night. (And that’s before cell phones when you had to pay extra to talk long distance.)
We got to know each other so well during that time that we got engaged. Yes, after 3 months.
Do you remember when you fell in love with your wife?
Did you spend a lot of time talking? Sharing your histories, experiences, hopes, dreams?
If you did, that probably played a role in the decision to get married. The two of you felt connected.
What about today? Do you and your wife still talk in the same way?
Or do you, like many couples, talk only about logistics and superficial things?
But Lesli, you say, there just isn’t the time anymore.
I get it. There’s work, the kids, chores, football (or basketball), TikTok, binging the latest must-see TV. Who has time for a deep, connecting conversation?
If that sounds familiar, I have a question.
How’s your sex life?
Are You Passing the Marriage Test?
"Marriage is our last best chance to grow up." John Barth I was talking to an old friend the other day. He reached out to get my advice about whether he should get married again. He knows what I do for a living and wanted an “expert” opinion. This would be marriage #3...
Are You Settling in Your Marriage?
“The biggest human temptation is to settle for too little.” Thomas Merton She said, “My husband asked me last week if I still wanted to be married to him. My slightly too long pause gave us both the answer.” I overheard this conversation while waiting for my coffee...
Why is Anyone Married Today?
"Your naked body should only belong to (the one who falls) in love with your naked soul.” Charlie Chaplin When my daughter got married three years ago my nieces were very interested in the wedding plans. What confused them was her decision to get married in the first...
WAIT, what does that have to do with anything?
If you’re not connected outside of the bedroom, it most likely is keeping you from connecting inside of it.
And, if you’re like most men, you’re trying to fix that by focusing on spicing things up between the sheets instead of improving your emotional connection to your wife.
Making time for the type of conversations you used to have, the ones where you’re truly interested in learning about each other, is the path to the intimacy you’re wanting to recapture.
So, go back to the beginning, instead of trying to create change at the end. That’s the path to success in and out of your bedroom.
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. If you’re a man who wants more intimacy and connection, the upcoming Intimacy UNLEASHED Masterclass is for you. Sign up here.
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Is Your Marriage Harder Than It Needs to Be?
Expecting your marriage to be clear sailing with n’er a squall in sight is setting you up for disappointment and resentment. Far too many couples focus on the wedding day instead of what they want the marriage to look like. As a result, they are not prepared to handle the predictable challenges when they inevitably show up. And, without the necessary skills to effectively address these challenges, couples find themselves drifting apart. Therapist, radio personality, and author of the new book, Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues Kelli Miller reveals how you can get back on track and stay there.
