“When I attained a certain advanced intimacy with a man, and I don’t just mean sex, I married him.” Hedy Lamarr
I remember falling in love with my husband. We met at my older sister’s graduation from law school in Colorado. He was her husband’s best friend.
We started talking at her party that evening and kept at it until 4 am.
We got together for lunch the next day and spent that day talking.
Then I went home to Los Angeles, and we spent the next three months writing daily letters and talking on the phone every night. (And that’s before cell phones when you had to pay extra to talk long distance.)
We got to know each other so well during that time that we got engaged. Yes, after 3 months.
Do you remember when you fell in love with your wife?
Did you spend a lot of time talking? Sharing your histories, experiences, hopes, dreams?
If you did, that probably played a role in the decision to get married. The two of you felt connected.
What about today? Do you and your wife still talk in the same way?
Or do you, like many couples, talk only about logistics and superficial things?
But Lesli, you say, there just isn’t the time anymore.
I get it. There’s work, the kids, chores, football (or basketball), TikTok, binging the latest must-see TV. Who has time for a deep, connecting conversation?
If that sounds familiar, I have a question.
How’s your sex life?
Bad Marriage Advice #22: Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater
Betrayal, no matter what kind, is devastating. Many believe infidelity may be the worst form of betrayal. If it has ever happened to you, you know what I mean. But does it have to mean the end of your marriage? Most people think it does. Hence the common advice—once...
BAD MARRIAGE ADVICE #21: YOU NEED YOUR PARTNER TO GO FOR COUNSELING TO WORK
You’ve probably heard the saying, “It takes two to tango”. Maybe you’ve applied that mindset to addressing problems in your marriage. Yes, it is ideal if both of you are willing to sit down and tackle any issues together. That’s the definition of teamwork. And in good...
Bad Marriage Advice #20: Marriage Counseling Doesn’t Work
I used to get asked all the time what my success rate doing couples counseling was. My answer—100% with couples who were willing and able to do the work and 0% with couples who weren’t. Because I can only provide information. I can’t make someone use it. And neither...
WAIT, what does that have to do with anything?
If you’re not connected outside of the bedroom, it most likely is keeping you from connecting inside of it.
And, if you’re like most men, you’re trying to fix that by focusing on spicing things up between the sheets instead of improving your emotional connection to your wife.
Making time for the type of conversations you used to have, the ones where you’re truly interested in learning about each other, is the path to the intimacy you’re wanting to recapture.
So, go back to the beginning, instead of trying to create change at the end. That’s the path to success in and out of your bedroom.
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. If you’re a man who wants more intimacy and connection, the upcoming Intimacy UNLEASHED Masterclass is for you. Sign up here.
Around the Web This Week
Is Your Marriage Harder Than It Needs to Be?
Expecting your marriage to be clear sailing with n’er a squall in sight is setting you up for disappointment and resentment. Far too many couples focus on the wedding day instead of what they want the marriage to look like. As a result, they are not prepared to handle the predictable challenges when they inevitably show up. And, without the necessary skills to effectively address these challenges, couples find themselves drifting apart. Therapist, radio personality, and author of the new book, Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues Kelli Miller reveals how you can get back on track and stay there.
