““You miss one hundred percent of the shots you don’t take.” Wayne Gretzky
All relationships end. This includes your marriage. The only questions are when and how.
Traditional marriage vows say “until death”. But divorce is both a real, and fairly common, outcome.
When someone realizes their marriage isn’t going the way they want, they have three choices: things stay the same, end it, or figure out how to make it better. The best choice isn’t the same for all couples. But what surprises me is how few choose the third option.
I was reminded of this when I read an article on The Good Men Project entitled Divorce is Not ‘Taking the Easy Road. The author states “If two people are getting divorced, there has been a very long period of disconnect and unhealthy relating.”
After deciding to divorce she said the real work began. “We worked on communication, forgiveness, emotional maturity, managing shared custody, handling new partners, therapy sessions, setting new financial goals, making new friendships, and running a household on our own.”
It begs the question that if they had done this work during the period of “disconnect and unhealthy relating” might divorce have been avoided?
Are You Passing the Marriage Test?
"Marriage is our last best chance to grow up." John Barth I was talking to an old friend the other day. He reached out to get my advice about whether he should get married again. He knows what I do for a living and wanted an “expert” opinion. This would be marriage #3...
Are You Settling in Your Marriage?
“The biggest human temptation is to settle for too little.” Thomas Merton She said, “My husband asked me last week if I still wanted to be married to him. My slightly too long pause gave us both the answer.” I overheard this conversation while waiting for my coffee...
Why is Anyone Married Today?
"Your naked body should only belong to (the one who falls) in love with your naked soul.” Charlie Chaplin When my daughter got married three years ago my nieces were very interested in the wedding plans. What confused them was her decision to get married in the first...
While it’s true that no one other than the two people involved know what is happening in their marriage, there are some common challenges—communication, intimacy, parenting, dealing with friends and family, effective running of the household. The sooner these are addressed, the better the chance of marital success.
I don’t believe that miserable and marriage should ever be used in the same sentence. And far too many people settle for less than is possible.
I don’t blame them. Most don’t know what they don’t know about marriage. What makes me sad is that they don’t try to find out. They accept that if things are hard, they must be doing it right. And, because they don’t know any other way, they keep doing the same things hoping for a different result.
And they usually end up divorced. With all the challenges that brings. Because if you have children, you can’t really end your relationship. And if you haven’t dealt with the issues in your marriage, you will take them with you into the divorce.
And you, like the author, will deal with them then.
So why not just take action now and see if you can keep your family intact?
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. Reach out and let me know what challenges you have in your marriage that need to be addressed.
