““You miss one hundred percent of the shots you don’t take.” Wayne Gretzky
All relationships end. This includes your marriage. The only questions are when and how.
Traditional marriage vows say “until death”. But divorce is both a real, and fairly common, outcome.
When someone realizes their marriage isn’t going the way they want, they have three choices: things stay the same, end it, or figure out how to make it better. The best choice isn’t the same for all couples. But what surprises me is how few choose the third option.
I was reminded of this when I read an article on The Good Men Project entitled Divorce is Not ‘Taking the Easy Road. The author states “If two people are getting divorced, there has been a very long period of disconnect and unhealthy relating.”
After deciding to divorce she said the real work began. “We worked on communication, forgiveness, emotional maturity, managing shared custody, handling new partners, therapy sessions, setting new financial goals, making new friendships, and running a household on our own.”
It begs the question that if they had done this work during the period of “disconnect and unhealthy relating” might divorce have been avoided?
Bad Marriage Advice #19: Relationships are Natural
I still remember my client Sarah bouncing into my office claiming she had an epiphany. I said, “Great, what is it?” She said, “I’ve figured out that relationships aren’t natural.” I smiled and replied, “Where did you get the idea they were?” She is not alone in...
Bad Marriage Advice #18: Only Couples in Trouble Need Help
Do you think Steph Curry and LeBron James continue to work to improve their games even though they are arguably the best at what they do? No, that isn’t a trick question. Yes, it relates to your marriage. My newest Lesli-ism is, “no one has to take a Relationship 101...
Bad Marriage Advice #17: Your Kids Will Be Just Fine with Your Divorce
Yes, children are resilient. That doesn’t mean you don’t do your best to protect them from harm. Car seats, bike helmets, staying in your yard, meeting their friends’ parents, holding their hand as you cross the street. But divorce? Well, they’ll be okay. Eventually....
While it’s true that no one other than the two people involved know what is happening in their marriage, there are some common challenges—communication, intimacy, parenting, dealing with friends and family, effective running of the household. The sooner these are addressed, the better the chance of marital success.
I don’t believe that miserable and marriage should ever be used in the same sentence. And far too many people settle for less than is possible.
I don’t blame them. Most don’t know what they don’t know about marriage. What makes me sad is that they don’t try to find out. They accept that if things are hard, they must be doing it right. And, because they don’t know any other way, they keep doing the same things hoping for a different result.
And they usually end up divorced. With all the challenges that brings. Because if you have children, you can’t really end your relationship. And if you haven’t dealt with the issues in your marriage, you will take them with you into the divorce.
And you, like the author, will deal with them then.
So why not just take action now and see if you can keep your family intact?
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. Reach out and let me know what challenges you have in your marriage that need to be addressed.
