“To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.” Thomas Campbell
Last week at this time I was processing the imminent death of my beloved, 100 degree, almost as soft as a chinchilla, 14 ½ year old bundle of fur.
Yes, I am a cat person. Yes, she was named after the orange tabby in Alien.
Even though she was acting normally during the weekend—jumping up into the cabinet above the refrigerator, heading for the kitchen as she smelled left-over chicken warming in the microwave, and hopping into my lap to help me with my latest jigsaw puzzle—she had stopped eating.
She had done this before about six months ago, shortly after a visit to the vet. I opened up a can of tuna that she devoured in minutes. She hadn’t liked the new bag of the same food she’d been eating for years, so we got her a different kind of food. She started eating again and gained back weight. All good. Or so we thought.
But her kidneys had completely shut down. A common affliction for cats. But we thought we had more time.
She chose my daughter by reaching out of her cage at the SPCA and snagging her jeans as she walked by. The same way my first cat chose me more than 50 years ago. She was about 3 months old.
She had been returned by a family because she was too energetic. Not sure what they were expecting. But we were the lucky recipients.
She spent the first night curled around the top of my husband’s head. And bedtime became her favorite time of day. Running up the stairs behind me, jumping on the bed and settling down with whichever one of us wasn’t moving. But the best part was that her peeps were in the same place at the same time and that made it easy for her to keep an eye on us.
She was my sixth cat and maybe the last because she broke the mold.
Dealing Productively with Conflict Leads to Better Sex—Who Knew?
Movies and television shows frequently show couples in the heat of battle suddenly ripping each other’s clothes off and having mind-blowing make up sex. But I have a question—when was the last time that happened in your marriage? Yelling, name calling, and having your...
The #1 Reason You Can’t Set Boundaries with Your Wife
To paraphrase Robert Frost, good boundaries make good marriages. But in order to establish good boundaries, you have to be prepared for them not to be popular. At least at first. I can’t tell you the number of times I have heard a parent say to their misbehaving...
Why Doesn’t My Wife Respect Me?
You want your wife to be happy. You really, really do. And therein lies the difficulty. Her happiness is out of your control. Yes, you can do things that add or detract from her happiness, but the choice to be happy or angry or loving or frustrated is hers alone. You...
She had some annoying habits, like announcing herself in the middle of the night after her snack. She couldn’t just get up on the bed and settle down. She needed to wake us up first. Then there was the cat barf. She also liked to walk across my computer when I was working.
But mostly she offered unconditional love. And purring. Lots of purring. What she gave always outweighed what she took.
She was protective of those in her family. She guarded me whenever I was in the bathroom. She would welcome you as long as you were with her people. But she was not a fan of the doorbell. All of the necessary people were already here.
She made me question some of my rules. I wasn’t a fan when my son “taught” her how to jump into the cupboards. But it made her happy and she wasn’t hurting anything. So I began putting the chair in place for her on weekend mornings. Because she taught me it was okay to have quirks and be accepting of them.
Jonesie also reminded me about the importance of rituals. Bedtime, weekend puzzles, Monday night salmon, greeting me when I came home, curling up on my lap in the evening, even the cupboard hopping. All were moments of connection. And love.
It’s been a hard week. And it’s going to hurt for some time. But the pain is a consequence of the love. And I wouldn’t trade it, or my time with her, for anything.
If you’ve loved a pet, share their story. I would love to hear about what you learned from them.
Around the Web This Week
How To Get And Keep The Spark in Your Marriage
Do you love your partner but aren’t sure you’re in love with them anymore? Do you wonder where the magic has gone? Do you worry it won’t ever come back? Are you settling for being roommates when you want so much more? If so, then Jeff Forte, executive and PEAK Performance Coach and author of The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle, has the answers. He not only reveals the 8 elements of intimacy but what you need to do to bring it back into your relationship.
Should Marriage Be Celebrated?
The Challenges with Divorce in Retirement with Lesli Doares, Ep #208
One of the biggest financial disasters that people can experience in retirement is divorce. In this episode, Grace Kvantas chats with licensed marriage and family therapist, Lesli Doares.
Lesli shares warning signs to look out for, misconceptions about keeping finances separate, and how seeking marriage counseling in retirement can be a benefit. Your marriage affects every aspect of your life, so listen in for tips to communicate about your finances more effectively in your relationship.
