Have you been wracking your brain trying to think of the perfect gift that will bring “that look” back into your wife’s eyes? It won’t be jewelry or plane tickets to an exotic location. It won’t be any physical object. Because the intimacy gift she really wants is you.
I’m kidding, right? She already has you.
Maybe. But not in the way either of you want.
I’ve been addressing the challenge to intimacy in marriage for a few weeks and I hope some of it has provided you with a new perspective.
But what you need isn’t information. What you need is an action plan. And it’s not too late to give something that will allow her to see you in a different light.
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"Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new.” Ursula K. Le Guin I’ve been thinking a lot about time this week. That’s because my oldest child, my son, turns 30 today. There’s a big part of me that can’t...
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"Love is like a puzzle. It can be unboxed by most but understood and built by little." Juan Menjiver I love puzzles. Of all kinds. Jigsaws, Crosswords, Jumbles. You name it. Mysteries in books and T.V. are my favorite genre. I love trying to figure things out....
Here are three gift ideas that can lead to a better connection and greater intimacy:
1. A Love Letter: Tell her all the reasons you loved her enough to want to spend the rest of your life with her. Share what you love about her now. Don’t just mention her physical qualities. But if you love her eyes, tell her why. Let her know how she has added to your life. Be specific.
When I was researching my most recent book, I had the wonderful opportunity to talk with Joe and Helen Hesketh. They have been writing a love letter to each other every day for the last 40 years. It has been the glue that has kept them going strong for over 69 years.
2. An Expression of Trust: Offer a heartfelt apology for something you know has hurt or upset your wife. You may not have done it on purpose, but she is bothered just the same. You are the master of your intent, but she is the master of your impact. Being willing to own your actions—and their results—let her know she is more important to you than being right or defensive. It shows that she can trust you with her feelings and experiences.
3. Your Presence: The thing she wants the most is your time and attention. Giving her that when you interact with her is a gift she will treasure. Focus on her. Show interest in what she is sharing. When she feels like a priority in your life, she will see you and your marriage in a positive light.
Choose any or all of these and see the difference it makes. And, if you have children, this gift to their mother will also be a gift to them. Because the gift they want the most from you is to take care of your marriage, so they have a solid, loving home to grow up in.
Stepping up and being the hero in her eyes will increase your connection and your intimacy. And that’s a gift that will last a lifetime.
What is your biggest challenge with sex and intimacy with your wife? Send me your questions and I’ll respond to you personally.
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Stay or Go? What If There’s Another Option for Your Marriage?
Your relationship started out so great. You knew it wasn’t going to be all sunshine and roses. What you didn’t expect was for it to go so off track. For many couples, this is the time one of you starts to contemplate divorce. It’s not really what either of you want, but neither of you like the way your relationship is right now. Is it even possible to turn things around? Marriage workshop leaders and authors of Hope After Hurt: From Heartache to Healing Rob and Roxanne Maroney answer that question with a resounding “YES” and are here to tell you how.
