Another year is drawing to a close. It’s the time when a lot of companies are evaluating the performance of both their overall business and that of individual staff members. The answers will determine what bonuses, raises, promotions, layoffs, and even terminations will occur. But did you know that it is also the time of year when many marriages are being evaluated?
So how is your relationship doing? How would you rate on a 360 review of your performance as a husband? What would your wife say? Your kids? Your friends and family? Your co-workers?
Yes, what is going on inside your home impacts all of these people. It’s not just about you and your wife. Although you are the two people who set the terms of your relationship. How your marriage is going spills over into all other areas of your life.
Your children are learning what a romantic relationship is firsthand. What are you teaching them?
Your friends and family are watching too. They also may be the people you complain to about your wife. That impacts how they see her and how supportive of your marriage they will be.And your co-workers? Well, if you’re distracted or upset by what’s going on at home, they’re the ones who pick up your slack. In fact, marital distress has a measurable impact to a company’s bottom line due to lost productivity.
So, the overall health of your marriage matters. A lot. To many people.
If you aren’t getting adequate and consistent feedback, you may be under the impression things are better than they really are.
During an interview for my upcoming book Hero Husband: Building a Super Marriage with Truth, Commitment, and Authentic Leadership, Sam (not his real name) rated his marriage a 9 out of 10. He then acknowledged that he could be a better listener and contribute more to the day-to-day running of the house.
These are two areas a lot of wives complain about and very well might be where she would ding you on your performance review.
This doesn’t mean things are as bad as she perceives but, if they are a source of discontent for her, your marriage will eventually pay the price.
Sam, like many of us, may be exhibiting signs of the Dunning-Kruger Effect. This is the idea that poor performers can’t distinguish between good and bad performances. They rate themselves too high because they don’t see the differences between their performances and the performances of others. This has also been termed the “dual-burden account” since the lack of skill is linked to the ignorance that the lack even exists.
Because no one has to take a Relationship 101 class, and most couples don’t do pre—marital work, there is a stunning lack of knowledge about how to keep your relationship alive and thriving.
You and your wife have probably never clearly defined the parameters of your marriage. And yet you’re both holding each other to these ambiguous standards. So how can you possibly hit it out of the park when you don’t even know the rules of the game?
You, and she, are also doing the same things you did in your previous romantic relationships. And they all ended. The only way to keep your marriage going is to learn what makes it work and consistently do those behaviors. If you’re like a lot of people, you may be mulling over what went well and what didn’t quite go as expected in your marriage this past year. You may even be contemplating the goals you want to set for the new year about how to make better. But if you haven’t added any new tools to your toolbox, you’re going to end up in the same place.
If you see value in acquiring the skills that will make you a top performer in your marriage, let’s talk.
source: The Hero Husband Project
