“When you say ROI, do you mean return on investment or risk of inaction?”
Paul Gillin
Many people think about ROI (Return on Investment) only as it applies to their financial investments. But isn’t your marriage one of the biggest investments you will ever make?
I was thinking about this after seeing multiple ads for This Book is Cheaper than Therapy: A No-Nonsense Guide to Improving Your Mental Health. I have no doubt the book has some great advice. But knowing what to do is not the same as being able to do it, especially on your own.
I would argue that most people don’t have great information about what makes marriage work. It’s not that volumes haven’t been written about it—some of it even by me. It’s that it either isn’t accessed or it isn’t applied.
Part of this is muscle memory. You do what you’ve always done because it’s become second nature to you. You may be aware that it’s no longer continuing to work but being able to consistently implement new behaviors is tough.
It’s even tougher without that initial awareness.
Bad Marriage Advice #19: Relationships are Natural
I still remember my client Sarah bouncing into my office claiming she had an epiphany. I said, “Great, what is it?” She said, “I’ve figured out that relationships aren’t natural.” I smiled and replied, “Where did you get the idea they were?” She is not alone in...
Bad Marriage Advice #18: Only Couples in Trouble Need Help
Do you think Steph Curry and LeBron James continue to work to improve their games even though they are arguably the best at what they do? No, that isn’t a trick question. Yes, it relates to your marriage. My newest Lesli-ism is, “no one has to take a Relationship 101...
Bad Marriage Advice #17: Your Kids Will Be Just Fine with Your Divorce
Yes, children are resilient. That doesn’t mean you don’t do your best to protect them from harm. Car seats, bike helmets, staying in your yard, meeting their friends’ parents, holding their hand as you cross the street. But divorce? Well, they’ll be okay. Eventually....
I do CrossFit. I have been told by several coaches that my squats are uneven—I shift to the left as the weight gets heavier. I cannot feel this shift when it’s happening because my body has adapted to it. I either need a mirror—which my box doesn’t have—or I need someone to watch and correct me.
Even knowing about this habit doesn’t always register when I’m in the middle of a workout. I have to consciously think about it and, even then, correcting it is still tough.
And books are great. I learned about the Policy of Joint Agreement from one. But when I first read about it, I had a really difficult time figuring out how to help my clients make it work. I eventually got there but without a base of other relationship knowledge, I might have abandoned it as a nice, but unworkable, idea.
If you’ve ever tried to get better at something, you probably got some outside help. Maybe from a self-help book, a YouTube video, a friend, or most successfully from a mentor or coach.
There’s a reason the best performers are the best. Yes, they may have some natural ability. But most of them seek guidance because they know they can’t see their own blind spots.
Doing the same thing but expecting a different result is considered a form of insanity. And doing unproductive things repeatedly is too.
Instead of learning and applying proven relationship skills, too many couples continue to struggle because getting help is too costly or too embarrassing.
Investing in your marriage—with your time, attention, and skill upgrade—is how you will make it thrive.
And that’s the best possible ROI.
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. What area of your marriage could benefit from an upgrade? Reach Out and let me know. I’ll send you a personal response.
