“The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes.” Amy Grant
My husband and I were talking about an unhappy married couple that were characters on a recent episode of the television show 9-1-1. He was wondering how things got so bad that the husband would choose his old, tattered recliner over his wife.
Even though I have worked with couples for over twenty years. I still didn’t have a good answer for him.
I simply said, “Too many people make marriage much harder than it needs to be. All it really requires is kindness and intention.”
What always leaves me stunned is the lack of kindness.
I was reminded of this when I read about a man who introduced his wife to his new co-workers as “Mrs. Smith, the housekeeper.” As a college-educated, full-time professional herself, she didn’t find it funny. The fact he would do this, under these circumstances, is indicative of how he truly views her.
Now most relationships aren’t this bad. But far too many spouses hold unhelpful views that make their marriages a battleground.
Are there things you don’t or won’t do because you think it’s your wife’s job? Are there things she doesn’t or won’t do because it’s yours?
And who decides?
Do You Respond Badly to Your Wife’s Criticism?
No one likes criticism. Even if given “constructively”, it hurts. And when it comes from your wife? Even harder. How you respond to it can, and often, does make the situation worse. And this puts your marriage in danger. Yes, she may be exaggerating your actions. Yes,...
Women Shouldn’t Do Anymore Housework this Year
That’s the title of a piece by Sarah Greene Carmichael of Bloomberg Opinion that appeared in my local paper last Saturday. According to her, there should be an Equal Housework Day every August to underline the extra labor women put in at home. Time Magazine had a...
UNDERSTANDING IN MARRIAGE IS OVERRATED
Do you make your wife jump through hoops to get courtesy and compassion from you? If so, you’re putting your marriage in grave danger. I was thinking about this during a session earlier today with my clients Todd and Susan (not their real names). She was hurt when he...
For many couples, it happens without that second important factor—intention.
And it lays the groundwork for frustration, hurt, and resentment. Not great attributes for a healthy, happy marriage.
Because you can no more “help” around your own home than you can babysit your own children.
Everyone over the age of two who lives in a household has responsibility for keeping it running. Deciding who does what doesn’t have to be difficult. But far too many don’t do their fair share and it creates real problems in the relationship.
Not having an agreement about who does what is one reason this happens. Not being willing to do what is necessary to support each other is another.
Being rigid about chores, or any other aspect of your marriage, is truly unhelpful. It’s not the way teammates treat each other. And that’s what a good marriage is—a team.
So, are you being kind and intentional towards your wife? Is she treating you the same way?
Doing things for each other. Being supportive. That’s the way to stay connected and have a successful marriage. Anything less leaves it vulnerable.
And if dealing with your household is a source of tension, I’ve got you covered.
If you want to have a peaceful (and organized) home, reach out and I’ll send you the details on how to “End the Chore Wars”.
