“The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes.” Amy Grant
My husband and I were talking about an unhappy married couple that were characters on a recent episode of the television show 9-1-1. He was wondering how things got so bad that the husband would choose his old, tattered recliner over his wife.
Even though I have worked with couples for over twenty years. I still didn’t have a good answer for him.
I simply said, “Too many people make marriage much harder than it needs to be. All it really requires is kindness and intention.”
What always leaves me stunned is the lack of kindness.
I was reminded of this when I read about a man who introduced his wife to his new co-workers as “Mrs. Smith, the housekeeper.” As a college-educated, full-time professional herself, she didn’t find it funny. The fact he would do this, under these circumstances, is indicative of how he truly views her.
Now most relationships aren’t this bad. But far too many spouses hold unhelpful views that make their marriages a battleground.
Are there things you don’t or won’t do because you think it’s your wife’s job? Are there things she doesn’t or won’t do because it’s yours?
And who decides?
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BAD MARRIAGE ADVICE #21: YOU NEED YOUR PARTNER TO GO FOR COUNSELING TO WORK
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Bad Marriage Advice #20: Marriage Counseling Doesn’t Work
I used to get asked all the time what my success rate doing couples counseling was. My answer—100% with couples who were willing and able to do the work and 0% with couples who weren’t. Because I can only provide information. I can’t make someone use it. And neither...
For many couples, it happens without that second important factor—intention.
And it lays the groundwork for frustration, hurt, and resentment. Not great attributes for a healthy, happy marriage.
Because you can no more “help” around your own home than you can babysit your own children.
Everyone over the age of two who lives in a household has responsibility for keeping it running. Deciding who does what doesn’t have to be difficult. But far too many don’t do their fair share and it creates real problems in the relationship.
Not having an agreement about who does what is one reason this happens. Not being willing to do what is necessary to support each other is another.
Being rigid about chores, or any other aspect of your marriage, is truly unhelpful. It’s not the way teammates treat each other. And that’s what a good marriage is—a team.
So, are you being kind and intentional towards your wife? Is she treating you the same way?
Doing things for each other. Being supportive. That’s the way to stay connected and have a successful marriage. Anything less leaves it vulnerable.
And if dealing with your household is a source of tension, I’ve got you covered.
If you want to have a peaceful (and organized) home, reach out and I’ll send you the details on how to “End the Chore Wars”.
