Okay, I know that sounds harsh, but it might not be as bad as you think. Because if she has any kind of sexual desire that means there is potential to improve your love life.
In a recent post, I addressed spontaneous, reactive, and contextual desire. Today, I want to talk about solo and dyadic desire.
(Who knew there were so many types of desire? Luckily, there are people who study these kinds of things.)
Solo desire is about individual feelings. If your wife reads romance novels, watches romantic movies, enjoys erotic content, and/or engages in self-pleasure, then she may have a stronger libido than you might think.
Bad Marriage Advice #4: If You’re Not Fighting One of You is Hiding Something
Disagreement in a marriage is a given, but fighting is a choice. I will stand behind these words until I can’t speak any longer. So I have a real problem with those in my profession who believe that if you and your wife aren’t fighting then one of you isn’t being...
Bad Marriage Advice #3: It’s Okay to Fight But You Need to Learn to Fight “Fair”
What comes up for you when you hear the word “fight”? Anything positive? This is what my issue is with the marriage advice to couples that it’s okay to fight as long as you do it fairly. To me this is as useful as putting lipstick on a pig. It’s trying to dress up...
Bad Marriage Advice #2: Don’t Go to Bed Angry
On the surface this seems like a good idea. I mean, who can fall asleep when they are spun out about something. And, if you’re upset with your partner, lying next to them and trying to relax just throws gasoline on the fire already burning inside. It’s how this advice...
Dyadic desire is the sexual desire one has for another person. In other words, your wife’s level of desire for you. This is the kind of desire that can be impacted by what’s going on in your relationship. Things like:
- If the mental/emotional load of your relationship is out of balance
- If you have stopped spending quality time together as a couple
- If there is either lots of conflict around issues or avoidance of them
- If she doesn’t feel like a priority to you
- If you don’t connect on an emotional level
There are also some things that may be happening in your intimate life that can also affect her desire for you. Things like:
- Is there a pleasure gap?
- Are you making yourself as physically attractive as possible?
- Are you aware of how her body reacts?
- Is there enough time/foreplay for her to really enjoy the experience?
- Are you a confident and generous lover?
The idea is to harness her solo desire and turn it into dyadic desire. And this is where opportunity lives.
The key to high quantity intimacy is to focus on the quality of it. When your relationship is strong outside of the bedroom and she is enjoying herself in it, her dyadic desire for you will increase.
That’s what I call a win-win-win!
Creating real intimacy and connection with your wife is a noble goal. Knowing how to do this well is an art. If you are ready to make it a reality, schedule your 5 Star Relationship Call with me today to learn how.
Around the Web This Week
